Rethinking Success in Relationships: Beyond Longevity
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Numerous blogs offer advice on how to maintain a long-lasting relationship. The societal pressure felt when one is single often revolves around finding a partner, and once in a relationship, the focus shifts to sustaining it through the tests of time. Amidst societal narratives of happily ever afters and 'forever love,' it's crucial to redefine what success truly means in a relationship.
Focusing solely on the duration of a relationship overlooks the depth and quality of the connection. Instead, true success lies in the emotional richness and personal evolution fostered within the relationship.
A successful relationship serves as a crucible for self-discovery and transformation—a sacred space where you confront your limitations, acknowledge your vulnerabilities, and have the opportunity to grow into your next version. It's not about finding someone who completes you but rather someone who complements you—someone who sees your potential and helps you actualise it.
In this light, success in a relationship transcends the superficial markers of societal approval. It's not about the number of years you've been together but rather the depth of your connection, the growth you've experienced, and the support you've provided one another along the way.
I know it's cliche, but it's about the journey, not the destination.
A new view of relationships is how they drive you and your partner to your next stop. Perhaps you have 100 stops together spanning years and years, or maybe just a few. Regardless, each stop serves as a stepping stone to new versions of yourselves, new adventures, and new challenges that facilitate growth.
The problem with marking longevity as the sole indicator of a successful relationship is that once the journey ends but the attachment persists, you're forcing the relationship to continue. The driver keeps moving forward, but it feels forced because it's a destination for one, not for two.
Resentment grows as you struggle to let go of the projected fantasy, causing you to lose sight of the relationship's true value: accompanying each other as you make your way through these stops until there aren’t any more to take together.
Society often applauds couples who have been together for 40+ years, but there's a dark side to relationship longevity. Merely knowing the duration doesn't reveal the relationship's health. We need to delve deeper:
What's the underlying dynamic?
Are they growing together or becoming complacent?
Are they aware of the dysfunctional aspects that exist in every relationship? Do they want to change them?
Is it a win-win situation?
So, how do you measure success in your relationship? It's in the quiet moments of understanding, the shared laughter, the tears shed together, and the unwavering support during life's trials. It's in the feeling of being seen, heard, and cherished for who you are, flaws and all. It's knowing that you're both committed to each other's growth and well-being, even if it means ending the relationship earlier than anticipated.
As we navigate the complexities of love and partnership, lets redefine success not as a destination but as a continuous journey of mutual growth and understanding. Embracing this perspective enables us to create relationships based on our current paths, needs, and destinations.