5 Couples Therapy Myths Debunked

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Couples therapy, or marriage counselling / couples counselling / couples coaching, can be a valuable tool for improving relationships and resolving conflicts. However, these are the myths I have encountered with my clients that I have had to debunk. 

Myth: Couples therapy is only for couples on the brink of divorce

Fact: Even though this is actually a niche for some couple therapists or coaches, your relationship doesn’t have to be on the verge of collapse to be able to seek help. 

According to The Gottman Institute, couples typically seek couples therapy around the six-year mark of their marriage. Waiting until this point may complicate recovery because patterns have become entrenched. By then, you've been married long enough to feel deeply familiar with your partner, making it challenging to see them with fresh eyes. Yet, it's still early in the marriage, leading to doubts like, ‘it shouldn’t be this hard, it’s just the beginning’.

Couples could benefit from therapy at any stage of their relationship: from premarital couples wanting to understand how they can consciously grow together, to long-term couples seeking to reignite the spark in their relationship.

One thing is for certain: seeking therapy early can prevent minor issues from escalating into major problems.


Myth: The therapist doesn’t take sides

Fact: Actually, traditional therapists don’t take sides. But I do. I have been trained in Relational Life Therapy and we understand that relationships/conflict are rarely 50/50. We are comfortable in the bond we have developed with our clients that with loving firmness we can coach them where they are wrong (and right!). 


Myth: Couples therapy is awkward and uncomfrtable

Fact: we’re as nervous as you are in the first session! But we have seen a lot (and I mean a lot) when it comes to human behaviour and relationships. We are skilled in creating a nonjudgmental and safe space. Over time, couples often find therapy sessions to be a source of relief, insight and connection. 

And it wouldn’t be the first time where your therapist secretly would love to be friends with you (but can’t because of ethical reasons!). 


Myth: Couples therapy is awkward and uncomfortable

Fact: I understand where the fear of ‘what if my partner realises we’re not a good fit and we end our relationship’. Although it can happen, usually when a couple go to therapy together, they’re more likely to grow together than apart. It’s different when one person in the relationship wants change and is ready to grow into new versions of themselves, leaving their partner “behind”. When both partners have the opportunity to experience change together, it could turn out to be a beautiful stepping stone towards the relationship you desire. 


Myth: Couples therapy is just talking

Fact: It all depends on your therapist and their modality. Whilst communication is a central aspect of couples therapy, I use a variety of techniques and exercises to help couples improve their relationship dynamics and deepen their emotional (and physical!) intimacy. I’m known for the 3 min breathing activity at the beginning of and break into some coaching activity as the session progresses. It all depends on the issue and if it fits with the personality of my clients.